After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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