I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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