Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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