I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
