mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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