Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My ATM looks so different sober.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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