I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
