glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
