why didn't you poke me back
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
