What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
