It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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