I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
