Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
