girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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