You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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