she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
