im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Rumble strips road head = magical
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
