I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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