I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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