I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
