Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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