Barsexuality is the new black.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
