Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
