That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
