I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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