he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize