Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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