The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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