my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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