Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
