All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
