so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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