Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize