Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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