But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
