On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I need a burrito and a hug.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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