i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
