My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
