don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
