Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize