I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
