I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
