You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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