girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
