So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
