Non-Jews are for practice
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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