I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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