Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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