I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
