I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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