My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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