You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
