so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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