So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
