Best friends brother. Beat that.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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