Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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