The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
