I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
