The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
