After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
