Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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