WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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