uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
