He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
