Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
