even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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