Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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