So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
