Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize